Liberty, Justice, and Epic for ALL

It came to me as I was doing dishes at work tonight.

I live in the best country in the world.

...Or least, the one with the coolest historical figures.


Last year, it was my 4th of July fireworks post.

This year, I'm going to tell you how awesome America is.

1. George (freaking) Washington.

Everyone knows this guy because he created America.
But we fail to realize just how bad-hombre  he really is

Example #1-

According to history and my friend who told me this story,

George Washington, back in the French and Indian War, when he served in Britain's Military,

Was in a winter fort, and was short of riders when his unit needed to deliver a message.

Washington essentially said, "Give me that, if you want something done right, do it your freaking self."


So Washington says he'll be back and rides off into the snowy winter.

He doesn't encounter any Native Americans or The French. However, he does whilst riding encounter a frozen lake, with thin ice.

Washington's horse sinks and drowns, and Washington climbs out of the freezing lake AND WALKS THE REST OF THE WAY.


And after all this, we still talk about Chuck Norris?


Example #2-

He was the ultimate General, in every since.

Cornwallis (The British Equal to Washington in the Revolution) must've hated his guts, because Washington was so much more ready than he was... all the time.


Washington once was outnumbered vastly, Cornwallis was giving him a day to surrender, before he came marching up a hill where Washington's men were encamped with his British legions.

Washington tells his men,

"Leave the campfires going, and lets get the crap out of here."

They leave the campfires so the British lookouts don't suspect anything, and boat by boat, Washington ports his men across the Potomac.

And by morning, when Cornwallis trots up there... Washington is standing in the last boat,
looking right at Cornwallis as he floats away.

As if to say,

"Come at me, bro."





2. Paul Revere

I want to think that Paul Revere was some upstanding citizen of Boston who was trusted by all when he yelled, "TO ARMS, TO ARMS! THE BRITISH ARE COMING!"

But that wouldn't be as funny would it?

I'd prefer to think that Paul Revere was the biggest prankster in Boston who happened to have the fastest horse.

So when the British were in the port,

John Hancock and the other guys were like,

"Crap, crap crap... go get someone to go tell everyone to get up, the British are here."

"But the only guy that is still awake is Paul..."

"....okay, fine just make sure he's out there fast."

(As Paul is riding,)

Paul: "The British are coming! look out your windows! in the port, to arms!"

Citizen of boston: "lol, gosh dangit, okay, whatever you say, Pau-.... uh oh."


3. Benjamin (hatersgonnahate) Franklin



This man, had some serious swag.

He was essentially the first American celeb.
He was Charlie Sheen, only still sane and more widely liked.
However, Franklin was still an immensely popular ladies man.

By this I mean, that he didn't think himself to be a ladies man,

By this I mean, from Paris to Boston to Mount Vernon,

He was loved by every lady from ages 18-45.

I mean, once you achieve the "I discovered electricity, invented the mail AND the printing press, as well as become one of the greatest scholars to ever live but at the same time be the best party-going 'merican hoodlum this side of the mississipi,"

You pretty much get the only guy they ever COULD to put on the $100 bill.



4. Kevin Dan LeClerc

This man,

Basically rose from humble beginnings in a town that was so reclusive, that it wasn't on most maps at the time, (except in the phillipines)

To attending University of Kent at Canterbury.. which for those of you who don't know, is in England.


He is a trivia master, cunning and quite frankly, unbeatable in words with friends, or any other spelling game that necessitates the acrylic alphabet.

He also taught the British how to play basketball (correctly) while at Kent, and when returned home, explored about 97% of the continental United States... to the point where he could've probably made Sacajawea look like Helen Keller as far as navigation.


He is also my father, and the reason I have the competence see the betterment in my country,
The United States of America.

Happy 4th of July everyone.