(Rowling verse I)
Expecto a failure! I'm J.K. Rowling, punk!
I've got more money than Stevie wonder's got funk!
My Novels can make a kid laugh at any age,
Your books are a joke with too many a page.
You wanna fight literature? It'll be your last bet,
I'll leave this battle looking like the end of Hamlet
You're just the runt of the litter, one step behind,
You'll wind up like ground sheep, your head in the grind!
(Tolkien verse I)
Shut your mouth wench, and silence your forked tongue,
I freaking own the legacy on which fiction has hung!
My name strikes fear in the heart of the hater,
I've got you in a choke-hold like a British Darth Vader.
You want to talk castles, Hogwarts is for rats!
Helm's deep is the place, you know where its at!
I'll build you up on everything you adore,
THEN SINK YOU IN THE SEA WITH NUMENOR!
(Rowling verse II)
You don't even make sense, with your oxford crap,
you make even the humblest private college look like a trap.
You're so freakin rich, you don't even care,
how many brains you've rotted with Isildur's heir.
It's high time you gave up, you're overdue,
for the wrath of Rowling is about to ensue...
(Tolkien final verse)
Shut your poisonous mouth and steel your lying tongue,
I've got literature so thick, it pours out wet when wrung,
If you ever need tutoring, give me a holler,
I'll be kickin it in Rivendell, poppin my collar.
Test my chops again and dearly you'll pay,
Because the good Tolkien giveth and he taketh away.
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