July 4th Fireworks

I guess it's that time again.

It's time to celebrate our nation's independence by blowing crap up.

And all I have to say is,

Is there any better way to do so?


Okay, so that isn't all I have to say, otherwise this post would be dumb.

I always go to a family friend's lake house for fireworks.



And minus the montage of seemingly endless little pops at the "finale"

Fireworks need a bit of a revamp.


So.


I've come up with my own brand of fireworks:

Grindfire Explosives.


We would produce a extreme line of fireworks for the experienced pyromaniac.

Here are a few I thought up:


1.

Old Grindfire:

The premiere explosive, it literally explodes in the air and keeps doing so for 15-25 minutes.
Please consider when planning shows.

2.

The DoomRocker

This explosive explodes in the air while playing your favorite rock song. Plug it in via USB and upload a song, (holds a max of 50mb).
Please remember that if you download a pop song, you have ten minutes to run away before it explodes.
If you download a country song, you have two minutes to before it explodes.
And God forbid if you download a rap song,
You have no minutes before it explodes.
Choose wisely.

3.

The Death Star

Do you Star Wars fans remember what happened to the Death Star in every movie that never made sense?
It blew up.
In the vacuum of space.
We now have made that possible by reasons our advertisers don't even know, let alone our techs.
The Death Star has a circumference of 3 feet all the way around and can be catapulted from the Signature Grindfire Trebuchet (not included), and will literally explode in space.
Don't even bother with that telescope, just make sure you have the lawn chair.

4.

Custer's Last Hand Grenade

It's the size of your fist and your elderly neighbor's worst nightmare on steroids.
Prepare to be yelled at from every corner of your neighborhood on the 4th as you go buckwild while chucking Custer's last piece of boom into the air.
(WARNING: Failure to throw Grindfire Explosive's Custer's Last Hand Grenade in time may and will result in instant loss of throwing hand).

5.

Grandaddy Thundersmack

Rivaled only by Old Grindfire, this has both bark and bite.
It explodes for roughly 10 minutes. And is as loud as a 21 gun salute shot by tanks.
Grandaddy Thundersmack explodes in three shapes:

The sinking Titanic

The Mona Lisa raiding the Sistine chapel.

(and the last option)

The Duration of the Battle of Waterloo (additional explosion time applicable)






Happy Independence Day my friends.