Body Wash

Okay, so... This AXE Temptation body wash... it smells like chocolate.

Not even chocolate... just like cheap, terrible, god awful chocolate... like a tootsie roll.

And believe me, there is nothing dark, or tempting about a tootsie roll.

but I am digressing...


Body wash has really gotten out of hand these days,

Just today, I relinquished a bottle of AXE because on the back it said,

"The cleaner you are, the dirtier you get."

This would not have been as bad if it weren't for the picture of a man picking up a female on the back of the bottle...



We need better Body washes.

Now I know what you're thinking.

"Connor, that's the dumbest thing ever, Old Spice rocks."

My answer to you would be,

"you have obviously never seen a shake-weight."


So once again, I have created my own brand of something, this time being body washes.


It would be called

"TestostaBOOM!"

(That includes the "!")

Our motto would be,


"Dude, you're on fire.
No really, you're on fire."

Here are the first six in our signature line:


1. Wreckage.

Literally leave women in ruins with this scent that will sharpen your fierce womanizing abilities.


2. Romeo.

When English class gives you Hamlet, give Hamlet back and demand Romeo. It is even proven to enhance your poem-writing capabilities.
(WARNING: DO NOT INGEST YOU WILL DIE. JUST LIKE THE REAL ROMEO)


3. Celt

Your biceps will bulge like a medieval warrior, you will find blue war paint more attractive to wear in public, you will find it a necessity to carry a massive weapon on your back. And most of all, women will like you. Finally.

4. Northman

You will speak with a Swedish accent for no apparent reason, you will be able to successfully partake in polygamy, (assuming you don't have a wife YET). And you will grow a beard the size of a car.
Any Questions?

5. Skunk

It does NOT smell good.

6. Win

Here's a real life customer account from Jesse Barkins of Texas,

"I just, love... winnin'. Ain't nothin I couldn't win at. Except girls, I done never coulda gotten no girl. That is, without TestostaBOOM's signature "Win" body wash. Now, I don't even have to compete for girls, I just win!"

As you can see, Old Spice may have a REAL rival now...

Hope you guys have had an awesome summer!