Air Fresheners

my mother picks out absoloutely the most generic air fresheners. For example here is a couple I found in my house the other day:

- White Tea.

You know they have a name for that, right? It got a name; freaking milk.
and when you throw it in can and spray it, it doesn't smell good. At all.

- Hawaiian Breeze

This is mockery in the third Degree. I know I'm not in Hawaii, don't patronize me with it's aroma.

- Fresh Linen

Listen, if I want to smell linen, in it's freshness, I will open my dryer and sniff the dry clothes.
While I may look like a freak sniffing laundry, I could do this.

So, it goes without saying we need better air fresheners.

I propose I start a brand: "Connor's Battle-Scents"

- Burning Thatch Roof

"Now you're house can smell like a burning cottage too! No fire added."

- Man Flesh

"What is it? What do you smell?... Man Flesh."

- Grimy Gunman
"Nothing says Battle like a soldier who hasn't bathed in a month."

I will be posting more random crap soon.
Be afraid be very afraid.