Funerals

I understand, that when you read the title of this blog, you probably thought:
"Oh. my. word. Oh no he didn't. that is like, soooooooo depressing."

My initial statement to you would be if you think the word "so" like that, you probably need to see a neurological therapist to fix your brain.

My second, would be that you read this entire post and hear me out, because this will be funnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy.












I was watching Lord of the Rings, Return of the King. And I saw the scene where Gandalf and Pippin are all depressed behind a gate, getting ready to die, and Pippin says
"I didn't think it would end like this." Because Pippin is probably thinking Gandalf is going to say something like "No problem, I'll just rain down a storm of light and fire and save us."
BUT NO!
Instead, he replies:

"End? No, the journey doesn't end here. Death is just another path, one that we all must take..."
(prepare for epic sentence composition and awesome made up hyphenated words)
"... the gray rain-curtain of this world pulls back and all turns to silver glass. And then you see it..."

And at this point, Pippin is thinking "holy crap Gandalf, you really smoked something serious before we started fighting, because that sounds awesome."
so he asks Gandalf, he says
"See what, Gandalf? See What?"

And Gandalf, totally blows Pippin's mind:
He says
"...white shores, and beyond, a far green country under a swift sunrise."

And then, Pippin remembers they're about to die and he just totally starts to shed tears because he knows that there IS life after death, not to mention that Gandalf worded it like it was as great as God taking you out to eat at Buffalo Wild Wings in heaven and he's paying.

"That isn't so bad."

Pippin replies.

To rest your mind if you haven't seen the movie, I'll tell you WITHOUT SPOILING IT that they don't die. But then it hit me like a ton of bricks.

Holy Crap, what will my funeral be like?

I will tell you, I don't think about it often, and it's kind of hard to think about. But I hope my comedic opinion will help.
I will make a list of things how I imagine things will happen.


- The cause of death will read in my local newspaper (which they'll have to bring back just for my death because the printed media will probably have caved in by then).
"Died saving his family from a fire-breathing dragon."

- They will get a famous black preacher to proclaim my life story.
- the venue of the funeral will be Westminster Abbey, making the black preacher aspect even better.
- The vehicle that they will roll my sold jade casket out on will be a viking longboat on a hitch being pulled by 40 Clydesdale horses. Actually, make it 50.
- During the Procession, directly behind my viking longboat, there will be a hitch pulling a stage, with the James Horner Orchestra, actually being conducted by James Horner. Playing the entire soundtrack of Braveheart.
- I will be laid to rest in the jade casket, in the longboat, in a cave in the middle of Northern England.


I realize this is all very unrealistic.
But again, I am Connor.
Besides, it would be boring and depressing if it wasn't.

AAGGGHHHH!!!
More blog on the way